


To make the right choice

by hiddendaisy1821



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Banter, Character Study, F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Old and new Friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-04 01:36:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6635707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiddendaisy1821/pseuds/hiddendaisy1821
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With his best friend found, Steve Rogers feels like things are about to change and in that change he will have to make a choice. The fear that he will always be a soldier and there will always be another war to fight overwhelms him. Worst of all, he wonders will the next one he fights be his last. </p><p>A one shot to connect Captain America: The Winter Solder and Civil War.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To make the right choice

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so another Cap fic from me, as per usual a one shot. I wanted to write something that will make clear that Steve Rogers was aware of the upcoming changes.
> 
> So this takes place after The Winter Soldier and before Civil War. Hope you like it.
> 
> Disclaimer: As always I own nothing.

\--oo--

 

His body felt heavy, exhausted from the months of work in which he along with Sam haunted down the elusive Winter Solder or his friend Bucky.  Now, the engines were lulling him into a false kind of safety. The one where he always knew to not let his guard down, but it was alright now wasn't it?

Bucky was sitting across from him, face hidden behind a mop of hair. Still he could see and understand the feelings that he was fighting with. Loss, anger, hatred and helplessness for not being able to change what happened. Yeah he got that all, because that is how he felt since he was trapped in this place - the future.

Sam was in the cockpit flying them home and for some reason it just made him clench the shield that was resting against his legs with his hands. If it was anything less than the strongest metal on earth, he had a feeling it would've already bent.

He let out a long breath - it calmed his heart until it beat in his chest in the similar fashion as when he tried to hit the punching bag when he was down at the gym. He knows something is brewing back home and he isn't sure that he will like it.

Time was of the essence somehow and he wanted to clear Bucky's name as quickly as possible, but he knows that it will be tall order. One he wasn't sure he was ready for. Bucky was still on the other side. At first they had talked, managed to understand what little of his precious memory was uncovered and to his relief it was almost everything. Minor details here and there that needed filling but still he was Buck.

The moment he found him, he called Natasha. She seemed strained and resigned somehow. He felt like they had become friends and by now he could tell a couple of things from how she sounded on the phone. Was she comfortable enough with him that she wasn’t even trying try to hide it, or did she actually want him to hear it in hopes that he will understand what she was not telling him, he wasn’t sure.

Because if he gouged their last conversation right things will not go his way when he gets home and Bucky's fate may be once again called into question. Now that he had some time he felt that he should call her, but he presumed if things already didn’t look favorable that it may be a good idea for him to hide his friend first before he tries to deal with anyone else.

"Sam, how much longer?”

"Not long, twenty minutes.”

He returned to his thoughts, not realizing that his grip on the shield wasn't slacking and he felt his hands go numb from the pressure.

"Got to say, it feels good to be back Cap."

He stayed silent. Maybe he would've felt the same way if he didn't feel so disconnected from all of it all the time. Maybe he would’ve told Sam how he couldn’t sleep because he was always back in that damned plane and he was always freezing. How he still felt his chest painfully contract as if trying to intake a breath that just seemed out of reach and water will be rushing in at any moment.

So Steve Rogers doesn't have a home, country or even a name to himself. Everyone calling him Captain America, never seeing the man behind.

What would they say about Steve Rogers?

His phone vibrated drawing his attention and he knew who it was without even looking. The only person besides Stark and Wilson that had the damn number. He answered it immediately trying not to wake Buck who obviously needed his rest on the other side of the plane.

"Hey Nat." he said softly.

"Why are you whispering Rogers, you aren't in a church."

Her voice brought a smile on his face. No matter what he had a friend in this new convoluted world. A friend he could trust and rely on. Someone like Bucky was to him in the past. Now as much as he wanted to, his gut told him to take it one step at a time. How much of the man who shot Nat and was after Howard Stark was still in there? He wanted to say none but he knew how hard it was to shake away the darkness once you let it in.

He was afraid that Bucky would never be able to escape it completely and somehow he still feels that it is his fault. He should've gotten to him after he saw him fall from that train. He should've known, done something. Anything.

"Just tired. It's been a long day." he said finally.

He could tell that she didn't believe him but after a moment he heard her sigh.

"I know what you mean."

That got his attention. She never admitted to being weak so this said something. No matter how small the capacity which she spoke.

"What, you were also searching for your long lost friend Nat?"

He heard her laugh, before she responded.

"Nope you're the girl in this friendship Rogers." She said with a laugh, adding after a moment in a more somber tone "Something has been building here. I don't know what, but my gut tells me nothing good."

That put him on an even higher alert – guess it wasn't only him that was paranoid about everything lately.

"I feel something is coming soon.” he admitted to her “I feel that once again I will be in the middle of it."

"Like you usually are Rogers, but maybe you should try to keep your head down once you get state side."

He knew that whatever was coming it won't be so easy to dodge.

"Can't make any promises."

He could hear the humor in her voice as she replied, "Neither can I, Rogers."

"Now that is never a good thing Nat."

It felt heavy, the air, the lies and more importantly his own sense of loss. He felt that it didn’t matter what it all lead up to, as he glanced over at his resting friend. Time to be honest with himself. He needed to keep these few things that he still had from the past. So much was gone already and all his friends were either dead or simply unable to remember who they were.

That made him think of Peggy and he felt another stab of sadness in him. He had lost so much and Bucky was not going to be another thing down the road. He will make sure of it, because Buck was his friend and he’d be damned if he let him down again.

He looked at his battle worn shield and had to wonder, will it ever be enough. They usually said that soldiers lived for the war and Tony had told him time and time again that they were not soldiers, but he knew that he was. Others may claim otherwise but he was. He had all the gut wrenching guilt and regret of a soldier. The same battle and war following you every step no matter where you’d go.

So, he probably will never be able to outrun the fight. The one that always seemed to find him and maybe it will end like most of the unfortunate souls on the battlefield did. Like most of his comrades and friends did before.

“Rogers, you lost?”

He snapped back to Nat’s voice and ran a hand over his eyes feeling of the exhaustion taking over and this kind of thinking was sure to put him into somber mood again and he has had enough of those - sitting in his apartment staring at the files and documents that marked the time long gone.

“Yeah Nat. I’m lost.”

Things aren’t looking up for him. They haven’t for a while now. He wonders if there is anything but another war waiting for him at the end of the road. Does the man from seventy years ago not exist anymore, only rewinding of the same old broken record?

He was sure he didn’t, that time, not so long ago. Now he wished it was different, because he had his best friend back. The last thread tying to the past, to the person he used to be.

He wished he could remember the warmth of his mother’s eyes. Anything not to feel this cold that follows him everywhere.

“At least you’re not alone, Steve. We all feel lost from time to time.”

Her voice brought him back to reality and he cursed the weakness, the melancholy that took over sometimes, making him feel like a drifter lost at sea, never reaching a firm ground. It was time for him to move on. No more wondering on what ifs.

“Yeah, I got my friends…”

He looked over towards Buck who was mostly passed out on the small sitting space of the plane. He had his friends. It was a start and if he knew one thing it’s that whenever things started to look up for him, something would happen to change that. He didn’t want a repeat of the past and he wished that it never came down to it again, but…   

“I’ll see you when you land Rogers. Get some rest.”

He felt exhausted, tired beyond belief but his mind just wouldn’t settle. The worry was there and he couldn’t erase it. Damn it all if he wasn’t walking into something he wanted to avoid. He understand that the history is about to repeat itself and he just hoped he would make the right choice when that time comes. That his friends will be by his side to help him make that choice. Whether he saw the right or wrong from it. They will know, because Steve Rogers needed friends and he made some new once.

A valuable bonds, people he would lay his life down for. Who fought like valiant solders beside him time and time again. He had Buck by his side. His best friend was once more there to fight alongside him, to help him make that right choice he was so afraid of making time and time again.

Her voice calmed him and he could sense her worry for him, but she didn’t need to be. He will be fine, as long as people need protecting Captain America will stand to help in any way he can. Steve Rogers on the other side is slowly fading. Will he ever be able to recall that person? Who he was and still possibly is.

A good man.

“You take care of yourself Romanoff.”

With that he ended the call. The storm was coming and he feared that the choices he makes will have ever lasting consequences. Hopefully he can make them and be proud of what he does. No other way to live.

If not as Steve Rogers than as Captain America. He will no what’s right, no matter the consequences.

His hands were numb and he didn’t notice the shield slip from his hands and fall to the floor.

“Here’s hoping.”

With that he let the sound of engines drown the voices in his head so he can find some rest, while the demons knock on his door demanding to be let in. He’ll let them in another day.

Just not today.


End file.
